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And now to lighten the mood…

Jokes from the 7 year old…

 

Why did the creeper eat a torch?

I don’t know, why did the creeper eat a torch?

Because it wanted a light lunch….

 

What’s the only jam you can eat on a bus?

Traffic jam

 

Once a man was walking down the road with a penguin and a policeman saw them and said why haven’t you took him to the zoo yet and then he said “okay” and then the next day they saw each other and he was still with the penguin. “why haven’t you took him yet?” He said “I did. We had a great time!”

 

Then, off the cuff I ask the 7 year old : Can you tell me what a lawyer is?

[he works out we might be writing a blog post together]

7YO : a lawyer is a ummmm…are you a lawyer? [yes] …a lawyer is a person a little bit like a judge but not really a judge.

M : what do they do?

7YO : they help the judges make decisions

M : how do they do that?

7YO : First, comments. Second, sometimes speeches. And third is pretending the judge has no clothes on. i remember you telling me that. you said it helps you stop being scared and that kind of helps you right. remember you telling me that.

M : When did i tell you that?

7YO : when i was doing my public speaking thing.

[7 year old is now in stitches. He is right. I did tell him that to help him get over the nerves of speaking in front of the whole school – it worked. Personally I prefer not to imagine judges without their clothes on, but it was a tip given to me at some point in the distant past]

 

7 year old wants to tell you what this three favourite games are :

1 minecraft

2 polybridges

3 rugby

 

and about his favourite animals…

deer, bear, squid, fish, chickens, dog.

 

and least favourite foods…

mum : cucumber. celery. raisins.

7YO : cheese (except on pizza). peas (we’re working on it). green beans.

 

and most favourite foods…

7YO : pepperoni pizza. curry. chinese stir fry. venison (he insists this is his favourite. pretty sure he’s never had it!)

M : chocolate.

 

7YO : what do you think the most dangerous thing is?

7YO :

jumping from the sky without a parrot shoot (sic)

doing the stinkiest farts in the world

jumping into a volcano

M :

poking a lions bottom

driving down the motorway with a blindfold on

going to school on a cold day without your coat zipped up

 

 

7YO : What do I want to be when i grow up?

artist – any kind

actor

being a dad

 

7YO to M : if you wanted to do a different job what would you have liked to have done?

i would like to have been a writer.

[I think I am now being interviewed]

7YO to M : What’s your favourite colour – Mine is light blue?

Green.

7YO to M : What’s your favourite film – mine is Star Wars – Rise of the something, the one I watched at Billy’s?

Top Secret

7YO to M : What’s your favourite book – mine is Demon Dentist?

Too many – can’t choose

7YO to M : What’s your favourite tv show? You’ve Been Framed (we like watching this together).

7YO to M : What’s your least favourite show? minecraft videos. [I am now being instructed to delete that with 9 exclamation marks].!!!!!!!!!

7YO : Thanks mum.

7YO to M : What is your least favourite thing to do?

M : getting up early

M to 7YO : what’s your girlfriend’s name?

7YO : Aaahhhh! (screams of embarressment) Wait. It’s the internet you can’t say any names!

[Touche 7 year old. Touche.]

7YO to M : What’s your favourite character from any story?

M : Alice in Wonderland.

7YO : Little Red Riding Hood from Revolting Rhymes.

 

Postscript (at his insistence) 7YO to himself : What’s the safest thing?

Standing behind a horse.

Fighting a bull.

And doing the stinkiest farts.

 

And now, dear internet, fortunately for you it is bedtime in our house. A certain 7 year old would have willingly carried on with this silliness all night if I’d let him….I have spared you most of the fart jokes…

Meta-Rant: The Lizard Woman Speaks

Here’s a little post that has been sitting in draft for a little while. I shelved it, took a few deep breaths and instead published The Caucus Race. I thought it’s moment had passed, but on the other hand perhaps it has some relevance in light of the ongoing campaigning activity of F4J (summary: Matt O’Connor casts off his M&S kecks to make the girls at Mumsnet cry), if nothing else because it tells you what my heartfelt first response was as compared to my more considered published one. I was pretty angry when I wrote it. References to “this week” are obviously out of date and there is of course some duplication with other subsequent posts. My views on how best to react have developed, as you can see from subsequent posts. It wasn’t really a finished post, but I am publishing as is without tinkering because some of it feels as if it may have some currency: the phrase “the tyranny of the victim” has been bandied about a lot lately – re-reading this post and thinking about some of the public behaviour that has been acted out since has made me ponder whether that label might be a rather apt one after all – because actually it is very often fathers rights groups who now enlist the power of the victim and wield it with naked aggression.

So, the post:

 

I’m often asked by colleagues why I bother blogging. I don’t often give them the full explanation because it’s complex. But at least one big part of the reason is that I want to inform, to debate and to learn. There is a transparency gap in family justice and it breeds misinformation. I want to help people better understand it, to remove some of the fear, to help the different groups and individuals who work in it and have their lives decided in it communicate better. Not that I’m enough of an egomaniac to think I can make much difference, but I just feel someone should be doing it. And I can. So I must. Continue Reading…

Down but not out

I’ve been silenced this week on two levels. First by a particularly evil throat bug which has rendered me speechless and unable to eat for several days. And secondly by a hosting switcheroony which took a little longer than planned to pull off (owing to the website guru being redeployed as looker afterer for sick me and 2 sick children), thereby depriving the world of its dose of daily pinkness for two whole days. I gather that the world has kept turning in my absence, but I’m not quite ready to make up for my enforced silence by blathering on in a lengthy post tonight. Too much thinking makes me woozy still. And typing makes my throat hurt.

To those who have emailed me concerned that Pink Tape may have been “brought down” by F4J, presumably in some kind of cyber sabotage – don’t panic. 2 and 2 do not make 5 and such a fate has not befallen me. We’ve just had other things to battle in our germ infested household this week. Pink Tape may be croaky, but it has not croaked.

And to those whose comments were stuck in limbo for a couple of days – my apologies.

And whilst you’re waiting for something more substantial to be posted I will just report that I’ve had a really encouraging response to my post calling for people to tell their stories – as soon as I am able to find the time I will get this rolling.