Jokes from the 7 year old…
Why did the creeper eat a torch?
I don’t know, why did the creeper eat a torch?
Because it wanted a light lunch….
What’s the only jam you can eat on a bus?
Once a man was walking down the road with a penguin and a policeman saw them and said why haven’t you took him to the zoo yet and then he said “okay” and then the next day they saw each other and he was still with the penguin. “why haven’t you took him yet?” He said “I did. We had a great time!”
Then, off the cuff I ask the 7 year old : Can you tell me what a lawyer is?
[he works out we might be writing a blog post together]
7YO : a lawyer is a ummmm…are you a lawyer? [yes] …a lawyer is a person a little bit like a judge but not really a judge.
M : what do they do?
7YO : they help the judges make decisions
M : how do they do that?
7YO : First, comments. Second, sometimes speeches. And third is pretending the judge has no clothes on. i remember you telling me that. you said it helps you stop being scared and that kind of helps you right. remember you telling me that.
M : When did i tell you that?
7YO : when i was doing my public speaking thing.
[7 year old is now in stitches. He is right. I did tell him that to help him get over the nerves of speaking in front of the whole school – it worked. Personally I prefer not to imagine judges without their clothes on, but it was a tip given to me at some point in the distant past]
7 year old wants to tell you what this three favourite games are :
and about his favourite animals…
deer, bear, squid, fish, chickens, dog.
and least favourite foods…
mum : cucumber. celery. raisins.
7YO : cheese (except on pizza). peas (we’re working on it). green beans.
and most favourite foods…
7YO : pepperoni pizza. curry. chinese stir fry. venison (he insists this is his favourite. pretty sure he’s never had it!)
M : chocolate.
7YO : what do you think the most dangerous thing is?
jumping from the sky without a parrot shoot (sic)
doing the stinkiest farts in the world
jumping into a volcano
poking a lions bottom
driving down the motorway with a blindfold on
going to school on a cold day without your coat zipped up
7YO : What do I want to be when i grow up?
artist – any kind
being a dad
7YO to M : if you wanted to do a different job what would you have liked to have done?
i would like to have been a writer.
[I think I am now being interviewed]
7YO to M : What’s your favourite colour – Mine is light blue?
7YO to M : What’s your favourite film – mine is Star Wars – Rise of the something, the one I watched at Billy’s?
7YO to M : What’s your favourite book – mine is Demon Dentist?
Too many – can’t choose
7YO to M : What’s your favourite tv show? You’ve Been Framed (we like watching this together).
7YO to M : What’s your least favourite show?
minecraft videos. [I am now being instructed to delete that with 9 exclamation marks].!!!!!!!!!
7YO : Thanks mum.
7YO to M : What is your least favourite thing to do?
M : getting up early
M to 7YO : what’s your girlfriend’s name?
7YO : Aaahhhh! (screams of embarressment) Wait. It’s the internet you can’t say any names!
[Touche 7 year old. Touche.]
7YO to M : What’s your favourite character from any story?
M : Alice in Wonderland.
7YO : Little Red Riding Hood from Revolting Rhymes.
Postscript (at his insistence) 7YO to himself : What’s the safest thing?
Standing behind a horse.
Fighting a bull.
And doing the stinkiest farts.
And now, dear internet, fortunately for you it is bedtime in our house. A certain 7 year old would have willingly carried on with this silliness all night if I’d let him….I have spared you most of the fart jokes…