REAL EMAIL RECEIVED THIS MORNING. Oh, how this cheered up my dull Monday….I think we can all agree this is a shining example of SEO marketeering at its best…I thought it was only right it should receive a careful, personalised response.
“Hello, [Hi unsolicited emailer]
Your website is an awesome resource related to Home improvement tasks specifically on Gutter protection system. [Me : It is?] I have noticed the persistency and the quality of content posted here. [Me : That’s very perceptive of you, thanks for taking time to look properly at my many Gutter protection system related posts on this FAMILY LAW BLOG]
It would be a privilege for us to associate with your esteemed service. [Me : You flatter me]
Well! I am Carl Watson, working as a content strategist for [deleted name of website] which is pioneer in providing Gutter guard and Gutter protection system in Richmond VA. They provide full Gutter cover facility to take the heaviest of rains. [Me : I was only saying this morning, that I need a new gutter protection system, and not just any system – the kind that will withstand the special kind of Virginian rain that FAMILY LAW BLOGS BASED IN THE UK are so susceptible to]
In relation to this, I think that your readers might be interested in knowing about such awesome services. [Me : I have no doubt] Therefore, I am keen to build a partnership with you so that we can collectively cater to the needs of our customers.
I think that an article, which is related to the theme of your website, could be of some potential value to your readers. I would really love to work with you and come up with a guest contribution that discusses this or anything you might enjoy. What do you think? [Me : Yes please Carl Watson. I would very much appreciate a blog post related to the FAMILY LAW theme of my website. Perhaps you could write something about the recent case law on permanent removal from the jurisdiction or the new Family Court Modernisation System (which may or may not involve the installation of modern new guttering systems to wash away the FLOODs of tedious litigants in person of both Virginian and English extraction) or the incidence of divorce rates in periods of above average rainfall? I’m sure my readers would love something along those lines.]
I won’t be charging you a penny, in return all I need is just one link within the article. [Me : That is so breathtakingly generous of you. You would really offer me a free guest blog post about the utilisation of Gutter Systems in Family Litigation for FREE? With nothing but a teeny bit of google juice in return? Gee. Thanks.]
It would be such a pleasure to hear from you. [Me : Happy to oblige Carl. Kisses]
Thanks & Regards,
Carl Watson
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Congratulations Lucy….on your recent awards and your exemplary and entertaining responses to Mr Watson dealing with his irony rich attempts to seduce you into embracing all things gutter related…I respectfully suggest that his gutter message should be forwarded to Cafcass…to see if there’s anything of the gutter in their current practices….sorry couldn’t resist it
It has been raining cats and dogs here in South West England and I am feeling drenched and guttered. Suffering a nasal blockage, I am to taking the South Wales Main Line drain to Chipping Sodbury Family Ablutions Court. I glance at my Ipool to see a flood of eblobs relating to today’s case – why didn’t I bring the Mac? They precipitate feelings, most moist, dampening my enthusiasm for life. Arriving at court, I meet my opponent, Carl Gutterguard, a total wet drip who habitually spouts the wrong sort of drizzle that clouds the issues. As I float into court on a wave of depression, all of my will to live seems to drain away -the (g)usher leaks that Judge Downpipe is in a storming mood, and will have no time for my muculent outpouring of puddled submersions. You want to know the outcome of the case? Thanks to the irrigating Gutterguard, I won home and dry!
Now you need some share buttons on your blog so I can just pass this on!
Hi Jonathan,
If you click through onto the post rather than viewing it on the home page there are sharing buttons at the bottom of the post.
Lucy
Oh isn’t that the best targeted email 🙂 I can understand how it can make you actually go and make a full post. Within days I created a new site and it went live I received 100 of this types of emails and I just could not understand how they found me. Well I have created for them the right place in my mail = JUNK 🙂