The government, working in partnership with an alliance of Mens Rights Groups, have today announced a programme to reintroduce electric shock treatment for women suffering from the debilitating condition known as radfeminaziism. The condition first manifests itself as being “a bit lippy” and occasional failures to depilate regularly, and rapidly moves on to a compulsion to argue with men who think they are right in inappropriate social contexts, and is often accompanied by full blown ugliness and unkempt hair. “It’s so humiliating” said one woman sufferer “I just can’t help but be right all the time. I just have this sort of radar that spots b.s. from 140 characters away and I can’t help myself – I have to call it out. I’d rather just be pretty and agreeable, but I can’t stop myself”.

Feminazi-ism is known to be particularly dangerous to the more delicate males in the population, who are less able to defend themselves with logic and are forced to resort to swearing and insults in a desperate bid to protect themselves from these rabid female attackers. “It’s a condition which is costing the NHS upwards of £7m per annum, mainly through treatment and wrap around care for men who are right but who are pathologically unable to articulate why” said an NHS England spokesman.

The alliance of menz groups who will run the groundbreaking Vibratory Technique Treatment Programme on behalf of the government argue that the treatment, first pioneered in 1917, is proven effective in reducing the tendency of certain women to argue back or generally challenge the views of men who are being unfairly downtrodden by an equality agenda. “We have robust data proving this works**” said a spokesman. Some women suggested that the plural of anecdote is not data, and that opinion is not fact, but a large number of twitter afficionados have said this is just sour grapes because they are so f*cking fat and ugly.

George Osborne, in a No. 10 press conference announcing Treasury backing for the scheme, said,

“Today, we are helping ladies who have saved money through the removal of tampon tax to reinvest in this self-improvement, by reintroducing a new tax on female sanitary products to enable them to contribute to this initiative in line with the right of ladies to be economically self-sufficient. Post-menstrual ladies are being assisted to contribute by deduction at source from their earned income, benefits or pension.”

Womens’ rights groups have complained that they were not consulted about the proposals, and that they are dangerous and insulting and infantilising. “This sort of constant whining just goes to show how critical this programme really is” said a government spokesman. “They need to see that we are promoting equality here. In support of our commitment to root out the dangerous networks of feminists, we will prioritise funds and treatment towards women known to be key preachers first.”

**telephone survey of 20 downtrodden men who all definitely agreed

Ok ok it was an April fool – but inspired by the actual real life contraption I photographed in a West Virginian antique shop this week. I have NO IDEA how it was operated but it looks dodgy to me!