No, I'm not going to bore you with more whining about the state of my health (much better thanks - have got that post-illness warpdrive thing going on), nor am I going to do a run down of 2011 or my new year's resolution for 2012. But I feel that on this, my last evening before diving back into work, I should post a little something.
I'm feeling pretty upbeat about 2012. Objectively this may be foolish, what with all the doom and gloom about legal aid, a 10% pay cut not 8 weeks away and yadiyadiyada. You know all that. I can get boring.
But I am still feeling upbeat. This may be connected to the glass of bubbly, it may be the effect of steely dan emanating from my husband's ipad (this is a remote possibility only), it may be the contrast between my general pathetic limpness last week during my malaise and my bouncy revival, it may be the heady aroma of freshly slaughtered fir tree that is combining with the bubbles to make me go a bit funny. But I do feel positive.
I have that positive feeling that comes from seeing your mantlepieces emerge from underneath that layer of sparkly toot. How simple and uncluttered it looks (everything's relative - it's not tidy at all). All the furniture has been restored to its rightful place, giving the illusion of enough space to move around in (Until the kids get up in the morning). And my kitchen has that rare tidiness that comes from having had guests today - all the washing up is done and the kitchen has been given a proper once over that is only seen immediately prior to the descent of guests with allergies. By 8am it will be awash with breadcrumbs, decorated with a pattern of little wet cat footprints, discarded juice cups and assorted clean / dirty / wet / dry laundry in transit from A to B. But it looks serene now.
But here's what I'm thinking as of tonight about how next year might go...
This year I'm going to lose 2 stone (method as yet undecided but all options remain on the table, including limb severance), I'm going to replace all the white goods that leak or make unhealthy noises, sort out all the external bits of the house that are dropping off, letting rain or wind in or heat out, redecorate the rooms decimated by the children (that's all of them), sort out the garden with which I have been fighting a losing battle for 3 years (those borders that I've never got to grips with - they're turf baby), and I'm going to do some normal stuff like going to the cinema, popping to the pub, taking the kids for walks and day trips, crabbing (the bloody beach is only a 2 min walk!). Obviously I can't do most of those things until the LSC pays me the vast amounts of money it owes me, either because I have no cash or can't afford days off, but lets not be negative.
Additionally, I'm going to spend some time talking to my chickens.
And I'm going to attack, dismantle and tame the "Mountain of Filing" that is lurking in my office / attic. Crampons at the ready.
What's more I'm going to accelerate my career in undefined ways, get led, reported, elevated, feted, awarded etc. Or more likely I'm going to overcommit to other things - committees, blogs, websites, projects that nobody else approves of....I work on the basis that being misunderstood by contemporaries is the mark of true genius (this may be the mark of true foolishness). I shall ignore the unspoken disapproval carried in the arc of an eyebrow and carry on striking the balance - the trick is to always keep that focus on whatever makes you a good lawyer, whatever helps you to understand clients better. And I take a pretty holistic approach to that.
I'm going to pay off old debts, avoid incurring new ones, pay my tax in advance, win the lottery...I'm going to cross my fingers I don't find myself needing to buy a new car in 2012.
I'm going to send my boy to big boy's school, and my little boy to pre-school. I am going to conquer the toilet training logjam (apposite term) and tackle the senile-cat-can't-remember-where-the-cat-flap-is-when-she-needs-a-wee "issue". And I'm going to cheer on my husband as he carries on doing all the behind the scenes stuff at home and continues to do fab things with his business. All whilst maintaining the romance in my marriage.
What else? I'm going to learn to ring properly again. I'm going to learn how to call. I'm going to help our local tower get back on it's feet as best I can.
I'm going to read some books. Firstly, the book of feminist legal judgments bought by lovely hubby for Xmas 2010, that has dutifully sat on my bedside table waiting for 12 months. And then I'm going to read some books that aren't about law. That will be bliss.
This is the insanity and pathetic optimism of the New Year. God, the come down is going to be awful. I give it till the weekend.