And now to lighten the mood…

Jokes from the 7 year old…


Why did the creeper eat a torch?

I don’t know, why did the creeper eat a torch?

Because it wanted a light lunch….


What’s the only jam you can eat on a bus?

Traffic jam


Once a man was walking down the road with a penguin and a policeman saw them and said why haven’t you took him to the zoo yet and then he said “okay” and then the next day they saw each other and he was still with the penguin. “why haven’t you took him yet?” He said “I did. We had a great time!”


Then, off the cuff I ask the 7 year old : Can you tell me what a lawyer is?

[he works out we might be writing a blog post together]

7YO : a lawyer is a ummmm…are you a lawyer? [yes] …a lawyer is a person a little bit like a judge but not really a judge.

M : what do they do?

7YO : they help the judges make decisions

M : how do they do that?

7YO : First, comments. Second, sometimes speeches. And third is pretending the judge has no clothes on. i remember you telling me that. you said it helps you stop being scared and that kind of helps you right. remember you telling me that.

M : When did i tell you that?

7YO : when i was doing my public speaking thing.

[7 year old is now in stitches. He is right. I did tell him that to help him get over the nerves of speaking in front of the whole school – it worked. Personally I prefer not to imagine judges without their clothes on, but it was a tip given to me at some point in the distant past]


7 year old wants to tell you what this three favourite games are :

1 minecraft

2 polybridges

3 rugby


and about his favourite animals…

deer, bear, squid, fish, chickens, dog.


and least favourite foods…

mum : cucumber. celery. raisins.

7YO : cheese (except on pizza). peas (we’re working on it). green beans.


and most favourite foods…

7YO : pepperoni pizza. curry. chinese stir fry. venison (he insists this is his favourite. pretty sure he’s never had it!)

M : chocolate.


7YO : what do you think the most dangerous thing is?

7YO :

jumping from the sky without a parrot shoot (sic)

doing the stinkiest farts in the world

jumping into a volcano

M :

poking a lions bottom

driving down the motorway with a blindfold on

going to school on a cold day without your coat zipped up



7YO : What do I want to be when i grow up?

artist – any kind


being a dad


7YO to M : if you wanted to do a different job what would you have liked to have done?

i would like to have been a writer.

[I think I am now being interviewed]

7YO to M : What’s your favourite colour – Mine is light blue?


7YO to M : What’s your favourite film – mine is Star Wars – Rise of the something, the one I watched at Billy’s?

Top Secret

7YO to M : What’s your favourite book – mine is Demon Dentist?

Too many – can’t choose

7YO to M : What’s your favourite tv show? You’ve Been Framed (we like watching this together).

7YO to M : What’s your least favourite show? minecraft videos. [I am now being instructed to delete that with 9 exclamation marks].!!!!!!!!!

7YO : Thanks mum.

7YO to M : What is your least favourite thing to do?

M : getting up early

M to 7YO : what’s your girlfriend’s name?

7YO : Aaahhhh! (screams of embarressment) Wait. It’s the internet you can’t say any names!

[Touche 7 year old. Touche.]

7YO to M : What’s your favourite character from any story?

M : Alice in Wonderland.

7YO : Little Red Riding Hood from Revolting Rhymes.


Postscript (at his insistence) 7YO to himself : What’s the safest thing?

Standing behind a horse.

Fighting a bull.

And doing the stinkiest farts.


And now, dear internet, fortunately for you it is bedtime in our house. A certain 7 year old would have willingly carried on with this silliness all night if I’d let him….I have spared you most of the fart jokes…

14 thoughts on “And now to lighten the mood…

  1. Amber Hartman, Parents Against INjustice

    Thank your son for cheering me up after my hospital results -(back in yet again)

    To top it off I had to part with two affectionate kittens I have become so attached to.

    Hope you are resting with a glass of wine & box of chocolates.

    • Feel better soon.

      • Amber Hartman, Parents Against INjustice

        Vit D levels down to 8, Addisons (to add to my Sjogren’s & EDS3)

        PS How do you manage not to have Minecraft as addictive- I had issues with Animal Jam (MUCH worse) with 10yr old, even after the CEOP, NSPCC child videos on dangers….

        Maybe you need to start a parents blog!!!

  2. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

    A cloud!

  3. Thanks for making me laugh!

  4. What is the difference between elephants and gooseberries?

    Elephants are grey, gooseberries are green.

    What did Hannibal say when he saw the elephants crossing the Alp?

    “Here come the elephants”

    What did Mrs Hannibal say?

    “Here come the gooseberries” – she was colour-blind.

  5. Missed opportunity not to consider precedent, competing arguments and contradictory judgments and maxims

    He who smelt it dealt it v He who supplied it denied it (Whoever made the Rhyme, did the crime joined as Intervenor) 2015

  6. Oh, and I forgot:

    What is the difference between a cosmetic surgeon and an Ofsted inspection?

    Well, one tucks up features . . .

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